


Yellow

by AisteActuallyCantWrite



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, Pining, friends - Freeform, i guess, im sorry, it’s kinda soft?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 12:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14189373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AisteActuallyCantWrite/pseuds/AisteActuallyCantWrite
Summary: life was cruel.





	Yellow

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this! follow me on twitter for more Nomin! @aistelol

Love comes once in a lifetime; a saying that Jaemin didn't believe- didn't want to believe in. He was not a guy who was to follow the rules, to believe in the perceptions of the society or to agree with what most people agreed with. But everything changed when Jeno entered his life with a series of smiles and warming hugs.

Jeno's eyes were addicting, Jaemin always found himself staring at them- day and night, as hours passed midnight and the moon caressed his soft features, Jaemin stared at his eyes; a mixture of warmth brown and honey, a mixture of happiness and longing that Jaemin never understood until it was too late. The times where the clock hit past the early am, were always their favourite. They were able to lay there, beside each other in silence in fear to disturb the night's charm. Secrets were shared sometimes but they both failed to notice the secret love they portrayed to each other.

Then, he was happy to just lay there and listen to Jeno's hitched breathing, without the picture of ever losing his best friend. Now, he wishes he said more, maybe confessed his truthful feelings and wrapped his arms around the other's waist without the fear of being too obvious.

The nights were quiet and were filled with longing hearts, whereas days were laughters and jokes shared across each other. If Jaemin could describe how he remembered those days, he would confidently reply with the colour yellow, because the days were happy and relaxed. There was no worry of this short time running out and taking away his best friend away from him. Yellow, it reminded Jaemin of Jeno. His yellow sweaters, yellow paintings, yellow blankets and yellow flowers. Everything was yellow with Jeno, especially when he smiled.

His smile was everywhere- on Jaemin's instagram posts, framed photographs, in his memory of their spent days and the never ending nightmares that leave Jaemin's eyes fogged with sadness. Perhaps, Jeno's smile was the first thing that made Jaemin fall in love with him. Perhaps it was the way that he smiled towards him, the way that made him feel like they were the only people on Earth. Nevertheless, Jaemin loved Jeno's smile, even in their last moments together where the smile was weak, it was never sad. Not even when his sickness was eating him alive. 

Jaemin missed seeing his smile and imagining that the older only smiled that way for him. It was a stupid thing to think, but it made Jaemin's heart flutter and dance to whatever love song he could hear playing. He missed being that happy, that alive and that in love. 

He missed being beside him, seeing him breathing and happy. Always so happy. Maybe it was a façade, after all Jaemin never asked- but he really wished for Jeno to be happy his entire life. He was happy that Jeno only saw the good , he was always so optimistic, so ready to get through all the hardships. Then, Jaemin used to admire him for that happiness, he wanted to be excited by the wonders of life, but instead he found himself only happy with Jeno. Now, he lays in his lonely bed every night, remembering how life used to be with him. He will never be happy again, not like before. 

Because Jeno was no longer there to make him smile and his heart flutter.

Months before Jeno left, they were together on his bed, the lights were turned off and the room quiet. It was peaceful, always so peaceful.

Then, Jaemin was scared to look at Jeno in fear of portraying how much he truly loved him, how much he wanted to hold him and kiss him. Now, if he could, he would shout it out, just so that Jeno would know that he was appreciated in every single way.

Jeno was always thankful for their friendship, for their closeness and the way that Jaemin cared for him. Eternal love, he hoped for.

He turned to Jaemin with a beautiful smile, “You’re my best friend, you know that right?” 

Jaemin knew, and although it was one of the best things that has happened to him, he was unhappy to hear those words. Friends couldn’t love one other the way Jaemin wanted to. It was a curse.

“I know,” The younger boy replied with a tone that made Jeno raise his eyebrows.

It was strange, the way they acted around each other when they were alone, they were constantly disappointed by words that didn’t mean to offend, they were expecting more from each other but each shy with the possibilities. 

So instead of saying anything, Jeno wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s body and fell asleep listening to his tripping heartbeat.

They somewhat knew, but also they were so oblivious. 

Then, the sickness came. Jeno’s weak body laying on his death bed as he prayed for a longer life, so that he could enjoy a couple of more days with Jaemin. Just a bit longer so he could show him how much he loved him, because those words were never able to leave his mouth. 

Jaemin watched his best friend suffer, the pain, the vomitting, the crying... he saw it all as he stayed by his side until the very last second. He wanted to help Jeno, to rub his back and tell him that it would be alright... but they both knew it was a lie because nothing was going to be alright, never again. 

He watched Jeno’s body grow weaker by each day, his breathing becoming more shallow each hour, and his eyes becoming less focused each minute. But the love, it never weakened. It stayed there, until Jeno’s last breaths.

It was hard to watch him go; Jaemin cried for months after as he recalled their last moments together. He remembered how thin Jeno’s hand felt in his own, how small his wrist was, and how rough his fingers were. Yet, he held them strongly, never wanting to let Jeno go. 

That night, they laid beside each other for the last time, Jaemin’s fingers combing through Jeno’s hair, as he whispered soft words. Jeno still stared at Jaemin with the sun in his eyes, and Jaemin could no longer breathe. Not without crying and begging Jeno to not leave him. 

But Jeno didn’t listen- he left his best friend an hour later with the words that he was never able to say. 

Jaemin screamed his “I love you,” when his friend’s body was taken away from him, and as he stared at the empty, hospital bed. Tears felt like needles when they fell down his face, and sobs were heard by all hospital residents. 

The regret of not telling him that he loved him, and would never love anybody else as much as he loved him, it was eating him alive. There, he laid awake every night, with their last moments together replaying on a loop. Jaemin was dying inside alone, without his friend.

The world was a cruel place, it took away the people with goodness written across their souls first, leaving all the damaged, broken people alone. 

Now, Jaemin believed in that love comes once in a lifetime, as there will be nobody else but Jeno in his life. Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading !


End file.
